/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

To Devour the Seventh World

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 294378/to-devour-the-seventh-world

Published: Oct '15

Review in No. 37739024
"To Devour the Seventh world" is a 219 thousand word story that is effectively two, its set largely in the same universe as "Daring Do and the Hand of Doom" but is either a separate continuity or that happens between this story and the sequel. The first of which is a slice of life mystery as a sentient slime mold awakens after an indeterminate amount of time asleep, from a war that he doesn't really remember. its a charming slice of life story as he tries to adjust to a facsimile of pony life, meanwhile Celestia, who is a genocidal tyrant who won and created what was largely her paradise discovers that her world is infected by some ancient enemy that cannot actually be defeated as is.
The other story is about Equestria's extremely distant past, and covers the fall of the many civilizations that predate and created ponies. as they continuously fell to an artistic interpretation of the smooze from mlp's first generation. How what became the unicorns were genetic abominations created by a larger pony like creature with 3 horns for use as slaves, the ancient dragons, a society of metal pegasi who live on a floating mountain top and so on.

This story was written several years before the DDatHoD and it really shows, lacking a lot of polish. D27, The sentient slime mold comes across a little like wish fulfillment as he does quirky "HiE-style" ponyville shenanigans. However at roughly the midpoint Celestia exploits Twilight's want to make friends and uses it to try and kill D27 Once that happens, the kid gloves come off and D27 moves to actually do the thing he set out to. We learn that d27 is a choggoth and one of the ones from the first choggoth war and for some reason he decided he didnt want to destroy the world.
The main questions of the story are "What are Choggoths, why does d27 have such a hateboner for the crystal heart the sun, and the moon. and why has the world remained if he had failed initially. What are the lords of order, and what is their goal.
in the third act they discover that the choggoth that tried to destroy the world still exists and was working with a traitor to rebuild their doomsday weapon
Review in No. 37739146
Despite my misgivings about the editing and how engaging the main charachter is, it really pulls itself together with the secondary cast.
D27: A slime mold creature who lives largely in another dimension where the air is poison and the shadows will consume you. He is remarkably affable and reminds me of what i understand of thingpone. If having something that is obviously not a pony, try and fail humorously is engaging to you, you'll enjoy his character, Personally i did not until after the end of the first act when he really starts to shine, but that might be personal preference. One of the defining traits that shows up constantly is that he is curiously self sacrificing.
Twiggles and the Gang: Theyre fun, if largely tropey. The only ones who really get to shine are Twiggles, and Applejack. Twiggles doesnt get to do anything important until after the other horseshoe falls, and Applejack has fun things to do in the first arc. Rarity, while humorous doesnt actually contribute a whole lot. The rest of the main cast dont contribute a whole lot unless theyre acting with twilight.
Discord: Despite this story's many flaws, i really enjoyed discords characterization. Early on we get to see an indepth and consistent with the show's representation of Discord and its by far the best ive seen. many of the jokes land, and he has a significant aura of menace in this fic. Something that was sorely needed in the first arc. His contribution largely ends with the conclusion of the first arc, but he was memorable, fun, and definitely discord.
Celestia: Celestia is history's greatest monster in this fic, blinded by greed for power she is the one that largely is responsible for the events of the story. She is painted as the worst kind of tyrant, and her crimes are long, including the full genocide of two races of ponies who understandably didn't want to live under the tyrant sun. in her past she was cartoonishly evil, stooping to cooking and eating a pony alive as a method of torture. Despite this she comes across as a kind of tragic figure as she did much of it to build a world for her sister She also loses everthing she had worked so hard to build, 5k years of genocide and personally murdering millions all wasted. a cathartic conclusion to the character for those who enjoy that kind of thing
Luna: Luna is consistently losing her mind, and much of her memories of her past are locked behind nightmare moon. She is through and through a Woobie, and serves almost no other purpose narratively.
Nightmare moon: Actually the remnant of a Trihorn Lich that passes her power and her futuresight largely genetically. She's instrumental in keeping Equestria together following Celestia's temporary death during the middle of the second arc
Review in No. 37739226
Finally we have the characters from the distant past.
Crimsonflame: the "Protagonist" of the group fighting the endless tide of protoplasm in the ancient war against the Choggoths. She is an inspiring hero, and arguably an audience surrogate with her largely moral beliefs and is good contrast to the other races of her time. Good and noble, and the leader of a race of ancient super magical dragons. Her cause feels hopeless but its engaging nonetheless.
One Horn: One of the pony slaves made by the trihorns, she is a legendary mage, made so when she was bought by Crimsonflame and then freed, they have a wonderful friendship and she stands as a beacon of hope for the remaining enslaved One Horns.
Absolute Domination: The Scientist leader of the trihorns and has chronic backstabber syndrome. He sees the choggoth war as an opportunity to finally see the trihorns dominate the world without the interference of the noble dragons or the peerless cegorians. He's the one who spends the most time studying the choggoth samples, which doesnt end well. He gets what he deserves in the end.
Goldmist: One of the last aurinites of the Cegorians, their leader and their most powerful one. He is quite mad, drinking the blood of slaves because it feels good, and he greatly enjoys suffering. He comes across like that golden robot from futurama, and lives in a floating mountain called Olympus.
Blackest night: The lich that eventually becomes Nightmare moon after Crimsonflame and Absolute domination attempt to change the spell at the end of the war potentially dooming everything, killing off both the trihorn and Draconian races down to a single member.

Overall the story is in desperate need of an editor and while it has its flaws, the characters are engaging, the story overall has a largely satisfactory conclusion, a great mystery and it sets the tone rather well. It also gives important context for DDatHoD that forgive my biggest complaint about it, assuming theyre canon to each other. It has clear problems with polish, and it meanders a little but its worth the read if tyrant celestia, fish out of water, and eldritch abominations appeal to you. 6.5/10
Review in No. 37739355
Minor addendum, but theres nothing sexually explicit or particularly gory in this fic and im not sure why its rated mature.