/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

Mortal Coil

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 268391/mortal-coil

Published: Jun '15Jan '16

Review in No. 37760897
Whichever anons told me this story is the best adventure on the site needs to get their opinions readjusted. This story is not very good, it's not even good.
In this AU, Rarity is a refugee immigrant from the continent the adventure takes place on. This is despite her still having family and a business, and living in Ponyville like canon. She goes back to trek across the other continent, showing that it's been ravaged by its simultaneous civil war and war for independence from Equestria.
I dropped it before it's explained why they felt the need to declare independence, but I feel it's safe to assume the reason is "because" and not due to any fault of Celestia's.
In keeping with the nonsense starting the story, the author only seems to every-once-in-a-while remember that his OC is supposed to be Rarity-adjacent, and her actions are as nonsensical as the cause of the wars. I gave the story a chance with the guess that it was just a thin setup for the "real" adventure, but it was obvious when the "real" adventure started it would not get any better.
After witnessing the devastation of her home country, Rarity is pressed into service by the one of the militant factions, then instead of turning around immediately completes a top level spy mission against the opposing militant faction which wants to turn around and conquer Equestria. When the author expected me to believe that this demolished country is supposed to pose a significant threat to Equestria after all this, and "Rarity" internalizes a mission to stop them, the story went straight in the trash.
After reading a number of fun "warfics" I feel like this story explains peoples unwillingness to mix war and pony, which I didn't previously understand. "Rarity's" adventure is miserable to read, and this story lacks even the whimsy of Fallout. It is not entertaining, pic unrelated.