/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

Made in Heaven

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 433736/made-in-heaven

Published: Jul '19

Review in No. 37764990
'Made In Heaven' is a six thousand and seven hundred-word oneshot in which Twilight tries to outrun time itself. From the very beginning it's clear that she's somehow stuck in a time loop as all of her actions are extremely pre-determined and specific to an absurd extent. We follow Twilight's journey of collecting the Elements, stealing the Crystal Heart and breaking into Canterlot for a specific forbidden spell, hoping to use them to break the loop.
What makes this fic special is the way it is written. The whole story is told in a very clinical and almost completely detached tone. Twilight's movements, the world's reaction to her and everything else that happens are all portrayed with very specific measurements, sometimes down to how many tenths of seconds have passed between events or exactly how many angles one of Twilight's hooves turned. While such precision would be very awkward in a normal story, here it plays a pivotal role by conveying how "mechanical" the whole ordeal has become to Twilight, who's implied to have attempted all this a great number of times. Everything works greatly in unison to set up a bombastic conclusion... which never really comes.
I felt so invested in this story. The fact that I understood what was going on from the get-go just added to the experience and I was ready to be blown away by some massive revelation or, at the very least, an emotional climax as Twilight's plan fails again and she's forced to restart. Which technically does happen, however, it's done in such a sudden and lackluster way that I couldn't help but feel somewhat disappointed. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting a good ending, the story concluding with the cycle repeating is perfectly fair, - especially since Twilight's conversation with Discord even foreshadows this quite organically, - but I feel like from a narrative perspective the story lacks a highpoint, despite building up to one. This might have been an intentional attempt from the author to further convey Twilight's frustration by turning it into our own, but for me it was a gamble that ultimately hurt more than it helped.
Overall: 5/10 Nine tenths of this fic is awesome, but that last one tenth ultimately soured the experience for me. I still recommend it for its unique and well-written prose, but if you're anything like me, you'll not feel satisfied after the ending.