/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

Noooo! T-this can't be possible!

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 507806/noooo-t-this-cant-be-possible

Published: Nov '21

Review in No. 37893919
'Noooo! T-this can't be possible!' is a three thousand and five hundred-words oneshot. It is also more or less exactly what I was thinking after reading this mess. As a recently-ascended Twilight decides to visit the Sun and the Moon (apparently alicorn powers come with complete immunity to the effects of both,) she reveals to the diarchs that the Moon in fact doesn't have its own light and just refracts the Sun's. Luna flips out and pours so much coffee on the Sun that it is blotted out. As revenge Celestia pours tea on the Moon which also gets destroyed. The author self-inserts himself and romances Luna. Finally the sisters send each other off to Tartarus and the EqGverse respectively. I get a headache.
I suppose I've had plenty of warnings, which I should have heeded. Not only does the author have an interesting name to say the least, the fic also tries to assert really hard how "comedic" it is in its description, which is almost always a sign of the author's insecurity. Still, I figured, let's not judge the book based on its cover. After reading the story, however, I very much regret not doing so.
How should I put this? I always try to look for something good in stories. Even with bad executions I can usually at least appreciate the concept the author was going for. In this story, I can't find anything to like. Everyone is acting wildly OOC (Celestia smugly joking about sending Luna back to the Moon is only a mild example compared to what happens later), the plot is nonsensical, the jokes are desperate and unfunny, and the prose is childish to say the least. By the time the self-inserting rolled around, I was the one feeling embarrassed. I'm genuinely struggling to even review this story because there is so little here that's not awful, malleable fluff. Why wouldn't Luna know that the Moon casts no light? And even if she didn't know, why would she be so upset about it? Actually, I could see a fic in which Luna is envious because her Moon has to live in her "Sister's light," but that would require nuance far beyond this author's skills.
Some curated examples, quoted word-by-word:
>the fridge which had previously contained whipped cream, chocolate cake, pizza, cheese, and cold coffee , was now empty.
>"You. Will. Pay. For. This.", Celestia says, putting a space between each word.
>Getting a shovel out of nowhere, Princess Moonybutter Luna, scooped up a piece to the sun and put it in a jar.
>"Me? I'm KingSombraTheTyrantRuler, or as I'm known amongst my friends, King Sombra. And my closest friends call me Sombra.", I tell her. "But since you're such a beautiful mare, you could call me Sombra."
Overall: 1/10 The only thing I can recommend this fic for is to see some practical examples of how you should not write.