/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

Chrysalis Last Hope

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 512128/chrysalis-last-hope

Published: Feb '22

Review in No. 38240565
'Chrysalis Last Hope' is an almost fifteen thousand word-long oneshot. Chrysalis' hive is dying and she has one last hope of preserving her kind. For that, she needs Applejack.
There is one thing that has to be immediately established about this fic: It was written in a different language and then translated using DeepL. Due to this, parts of this story are incomprehensible and it is full of grammar mistakes, ranging from referring to female characters with "him," to nonsensical lines, making the story a pain to read. However, despite this, the author's humor still shines through occasionally and I cannot ignore that. Though none of them made me laugh, I did find many of them pretty amusing. For instance:
>No bad pony would make a map with a sun with a smiley face AppleJack.
>She's going to feel my kindness when my hoof meets her face.
Chrysalis's double entendre about "nailing" is also a surprisingly smart wordplay from someone who has such a weak grasp on the language. Though there are issues here as well: Pinkie deadpools hard by bringing up the Fandom wiki and some of the jokes are very out of character.
The story itself is a bizarre and mixed bag of drama. While the main conflict is the fact that the failed invasion caused Changelings to be unable to gather love and thus they are withering away, in the middle of the story we are treated to a scene where AJ explains to Apple Bloom that Twilight can't find a stallion for herself (whether this is a candid way of saying she's gay or that she's just super picky is not really clear) and yet she's trying to become pregnant through "different means." What's even more bizarre is that this actually has relevance to the main plot, because it turns out Chrysalis's egg has Twilight's characteristics, though this not only makes little sense, but has also no real payoff. AJ also acts like a complete idiot and falls for the Changelings' obvious trap and the queen's plan largely boils down to saying "AJ, your friends are whack, but you're cool, so take my egg and preserve my species."
It's a bit of a tragedy, because there are signs of a good concept here. The ponies committing an unwitting genocide and Chrysalis being so desperate that she entrusts her own child to her enemies is an intriguing idea, but the author sadly isn't capable of giving it enough tact and a proper narrative arc. Instead, the story stumbles between moments of extreme seriousness (undermined by the bad writing) and silly jokes, ultimately leading to a plot that's neither satisfying, nor coherent. This is further exacerbated by the throwaway idea about Celestia being a warmonger in the past and the introduction of a super special named Changeling, who's not only extremely smart, but very empathetic as well but despite all this has no relevance to the plot.
Overall: 2/10 A point for the good jokes, but otherwise? There is not much I can recommend about this story.