/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

The Monster We Made

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 94846/the-monster-we-made

Published: Apr '13Oct '13

Review in No. 37306144
Throughout my entire reading of this story, one question floated before my eyes:
>What's the point of this all?
'The Monsters We Made' is an 11 thousand words long story about Twilight, who after her ascension to alicorn-, and thus goddeshood, tumbles extremely fast into the depths of moral depravity, first trying to overpower the judgement of her fellow princesses and when that doesn't work, murder them in cold blood. Followed by doing the same with her friends.
It's... not the worst concept in the world. "Power corrupts" as they say and something like this could make for a compelling drama. However, due to the shortness of this piece, the whole thing feels nothing, but rushed. A conflict like this has to be explored in depth for it to not feel so overly out of character. Twilight goes from optimistic ruler to emotionless kinslayer in practically seconds and due to the unique way the story is told (nearly all of the chapters are just the same scene, retold from different perspectives), we aren't even given much insight into how or why this happens, other than her vaguely complaining about "being put in a box." It makes sense, but only if you really are willing to accept any and all contrivances. Well anyway, the murders of the M6 is pointlessly gross, albeit not too graphic and the fact that Twilight doesn't even show a shed of remorse totally breaks immersion, not that there was much beforehand. Finally the story ends on a non-resolution and while it does have a sequel I think fics should stand on their own two legs first and foremost.
Overall: 3/10 The writing is not incompetent, but pointless cruelty combined with an unsatisfying resolution can't honestly elicit a higher score than this.