/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

The Changeling Queen

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 35442/the-changeling-queen

Published: Jul '12Aug '12

Review in No. 37322364
>notices tags after reading
>wait this was supposed to be horror?
'The Changeling Queen' is a five-thousand word one-shot featuring Twilight, who has been turned into a Changeling queen. Frankly as I was reading this, I've had the mental image that the author originally intended to write a clopfic, considering Chrysalis basically >rape-s Twilight into becoming the next queen, but then randomly decided to spin the wheel of genres until it spat out "horror" upon which the writer hurriedly tried to course correct into a story that's supposed to show the downfall of Ponyville and the Princesses.
Simply put, a premise like this can not be sufficiently explored in five thousand words. The plot just whizzes by, there are gigantic mood-swings in every scene as the story has to accommodate the sudden twists and narrative developments. Twilight gets over her transformation in literally two seconds and after that never shows a real effort in trying to fight for her original self. Also the rest of the M6 just happens to wander into the Hive and rescues her. I understand that the story happens right after the wedding, so suspecting the Changelings is a logical course of action, but come on, that's a contrivance one simply cannot overlook. There is also some weird, philosophical argument about how the Changelings are in fact the most loving race and that Twilight has a chance at doing things better than Chrysalis has, but it never goes anywhere and leaves the reader more confused than enlightened. The only scene I enjoyed was the cocooning of Spike, as it shows the warped mindset of Changeling-Twilight without the need for excess monologing, but even that happens extremely quickly. The ending isn't terrible either, but due to the aforementioned rush, it simply doesn't sink in as it should. Yeah, Ponyville is now Changelingville and Celestia just walked into a deathtrap, whoever could have seen that one coming...
Overall: 3/10 I don't dislike the concept, but the execution is severely lacking. This fic is a great example of the fact that you can't cram forty-thousand words into five. Skip it, unless you're head over heels for sloppy bug-romance.