FimFiction Link - Short ID: 7624/enabling
Published: Jan '12 — Feb '12
I can see why some people ITT say they come back to this fic. I can also say that I won't be doing it, but I don't regret the experience. My biggest gripe aside from the clear (more so in the earlier chapters) lack of proper proofreading is just how OOC and rushed the whole thing is to get where it wants to go.
This is a schizo fic. As a schizo fic, it's actually pretty cathartic. There are definitely some kino scenes in that regard, especially the ending and Pinkie's confrontation with her PoO friends. U fortunately those parts just don't gel well with everything else.
It's not even that the motives don't fit. But the execution is poor, too quick, and amateurish. It has nice ideas to justify things but the insanity comes far too quick, both in the plot and in the prose. Twilight's mouse scene, for example. I could actually see that working, but there's just not enough care paid to showcase the impact of what Pinkie did. There are more words spent on the rope gag than on the actual trauma of everything she's gone through.
Another problem is the general characterisation of Pinkie and Twi in the pre madness state. It stumbles heavily, and not just because you can breathe the early fandom tropes it exudes. Once again things could work, but the execution isn't quite there. Pinkie's randumb as a cover for her true self is barely brushed on, and Twi is too uncaring even by season 1 standards, she downright seems closer to her FiW self in the first chapter. The whole misunderstanding, too, isn't delivered as well as it could have been, and that's quite annoying because the actual concept is solid.
But the schizoing is kino. Not the best I've read, and I've probably written better myself, but still quite nice. Twilight's comes too soon and Pinkie's too, in different ways, but once they're properly going at each other this kind of absolutely fucked up pseudokink mental illness fuckery is my jam and I can't not enjoy it. The fic gets so much better once it stops being shaky setup and questionable prose and focuses only on the character's sick, twisted relationship.
Overall, a 4/10 fic that's a 6/10 to me because of what it does. Recommended if you're into this nonsense, skip otherwise.
This story has a lot of issues. In more than one way. The prose is a bit simple, there are several OOC moments early on, and a few of what should be key character moments happen too fast. It is also one of my all time favourite fics, and I don't say this just because I'm a filthy Twinkie junkie.
The short of it is that Pinkie Pie has a crush on Twilight, but due to an unfortunate accident, her confession is botched and she causes one of Twilight's experiments to go wrong. Twilight gets frustrated and doesn't hear what Pinkie has to say, hurting her feelings in the process. Heartbroken, Pinkie goes away and has a mental breakdown in her room.
What follows can only be described, I believe, as a fever dream as both Pinkie and Twilight go off the deep end, their psychosis and paranoia fueling each other's antics. All things considered, their whole encounter is pretty enthralling. What this story may lack in coherence it more than makes up in passion. I was confused, disturbed, and perhaps a little bit aroused, but not even once was I bored.
In fact, the only story I've read that sorta reminds me of the feelings I had while reading this for the first time was when I read the original version of The Archetypist. I like being sent on a downward spiral with no escape.
Anyway. I don't feel I can give this story a rating, but rather a recommendation full of caveats. A journey into craziness, with all that it entails.