FimFiction Link - Short ID: 520837/chained-beast-of-the-dungeon
Published: Aug '22
In the days leading up to HWE, Clover the Clever investigates a conspiracy by Unicornia's mage council involving something locked in the dungeons under the capital. Incredibly interesting premise, but let down by a poor execution and bad mystery reveal. I'd describe it as having a "fanfic feel" to the whole thing. The dialogue and narration seems just a little off and the pacing is very fast. You never really get to know much about the characters because the story's too busy going through the plot. Reactions seem wooden and there's no real gravitas to what happens. And the villain is so comically over the top it borders on parody. Then, there's the reveal of the main mystery. HWE conjures such a great range of possibilities for the monster, but no, it's just a random guy. And even worse, it has the balls to declare the real monsters were the villains you met along with way. Very disappointing.