/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

Second Flesh

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 525993/second-flesh

Published: Nov '22

Review in No. 39888892
Second Flesh is a 3,2k word horror one-shot in which Twilight explains the importance of making a back-up.
I'm not sure how to feel. This story presents a really interesting idea. Twilight's alicorn immortality works in a different way than one may imagine. However, while it does a decent job at creating mystery as we follow Dash trying to figure out how Twilight manages to be physically okay after stuff that should've done more than hurt, the ending is just disappointing.
It's just "here's the twist! Isn't it spoOoOoky? Anyway, story over."
You may notice there's a 562 word alternate ending. It doesn't amount to much. It's just the same ending, with the same beats, but with a few additional paragraphs that don't really change much.
On the one hand, I'd like to see this story explored at length. On the other, I can't imagine how you'd expand this without making it so edgy it loses its way.
The story is fine, I guess. But it left me wanting.
Review in No. 39890418

After a monster fight, Dash dives too deep and uncovers Twilight's immortality bypass. It is a textbook horror oneshot. Interesting idea? Check. Rushed plot? Check. Confusing and unsatisfying ending? Check. I was really left scratching my head at the ending. Partly because Twilight flips from canon to horror oneshot villain in a second and partly because Dash flips from horror oneshot protagonist also to villain a few seconds later. Nearly gave me whiplash.