/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

Episode 1: Nightmares and Lunascapes

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 97238/episode-1-nightmares-and-lunascapes

Published: Apr '13May '13

Review in No. 39934204
Nightmares and Lunascapes is a 38k self described slow burn horror story. Edger Allan Poeny (lol) is an author who has garnered critical acclaim, and thanks to a bit of networking, he was invited to Ponyville's Library to do a reading of some of his work, not knowing what awaits him there.
I was pleasantly surprised when I started reading this fic. It was slow, but engaging. The prose had this feel to it that was vaguely reminiscent of old stories, which fit the way Equestria is portrayed.
However, the story goes off the rails right after the train ride to Ponyville, just a little over a third of the way through it.
Do you see this line from the description?
>However, when he arrives, Edger can't help but notice that some of the ponies [in Ponyville] bear a striking resemblance to characters in one of his stories.
I wouldn't have imagine this one line would end up breaking the story for me.
You see, perhaps naïvely, I imagined an "In the Mouth of Madness" scenario. Where it turns out Edger's writings had an impact on reality in some way, and the ponies of Ponyville would have towould have to defend their hometown from these nightmarish creatures. Though perhaps this was too different from the Gothic horror roots that inspired this story.
What I didn't imagine was that what the description meant was that four years ago, Edger was called Tiller, like the protagonist of his tale, and lived in Flatts, with Forge--his coltfriend--and Pinkie Pie. And what he wrote was an accurate account of how he was gelded and exiled from Flatts. And he was actually a unicorn bestowed with light and dark magic, which was a blessing from the same ancient god the ponies of Flatts worshipped. And his current editor was actually a chemist who kept Edger drugged so he wouldn't go crazy with his powers. And Caramel was actually a reincarnation of sorts of Forge. And what the fuck happened to this story?
I think the worst part is how quickly everything is resolved in the end.
Edger is trapped in a nightmare, afflicted by memories of the town of Flatts as well as the light and dark magic going haywire in his mind.
The magic won't let Luna or Twilight in, but Caramel is an Earth pony, so he shouldn't have a problem going in. So he's sent inside. Witnesses some of the stuff that went down in the past, and finds Edger being besieged by the faceless ponies manifested by his magic. The time has come for the final confrontation between Edger and his inner demons. Now's the time to show that he has grown and is capable of putting the pa--Actually, Caramel just tells him to get over it, and he does. End of nightmare.
Needless to say, I am not happy. This started promising, but it quickly took one weird turn after another.
The prose was still fun all the way, but decent prose does not make up for the multitude of sins this story has.
Steer clear.