/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

I See No Foals

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 526827/i-see-no-foals

Published: Nov '22

Review in No. 40113290
'I See No Foals' is an SCP-inspired oneshot, where Twilight sees no foals and drops the idiot ball.
The original SCP has perhaps one of the most recognisable catchphrases associated with it and I was curious to see how the author would combine the concept with the world of MLP. The answer? To put it bluntly, questionably well.
Let's start with the good: The basic setup is nice. Twilight stumbles on a fenced off section of the Everfree while chasing the Parasprites, connecting the story to canon in a pretty neat and natural way. She then returns to investigate and gets chased away by a guard, who refuses to divulge any information. Inside Twilight is harassed by a multitude of ghosts and hallucinations, and she faces several near-death scenarios, until she attempts her escape out of the restricted area. The ending is enjoyably bitter and far more creative than if Twilight simply died and that was that.
However, while a certain level of suspension of disbelief is obviously necessary for any and all stories, especially in the horror genre, what this story asks the reader to accept is far too much in my opinion. Twilight is stubborn and far from perfect, yes, but she makes several extremely stupid choices that ultimately led to her predicament. She could have asked the Princess about the area, she could have turned back at the first sign of paranormal activity, she could have turned back at her first rope's end, but each time she continues, and the story fails to establish the "why" beyond "Twilight is a curious mare".
Overall: 4/10 While there are some quite nice scenes in the story, I particularly liked how she stood off against the past victims and how the guard ignored her cries in the end, my immersion was severely strained and ultimately broken by the end. If you're big into (this particular) SCP, it's still worth a read, but if uncharacteristic stupidity annoys you as much as it annoyed me, then you might not have a great time.