/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews


FimFiction Link - Short ID: 464361/murderer

Published: Mar '20

Review in No. 40148532
Murderer is a 2,2k horror one-shot about the need for ethical guidelines for ChatGPT. Alright, not that, but it's a good metaphor. A prophetic one, considering this was written before AI chat bots really became mainstream.
Twilight always wanted to write a story. There's a specific story she's always wanted to tell, but she's confronted with the sad reality of her not having writing skills. She tries, but what she produces doesn't live up to the story she has in her mind. A plight I'm sure none of us have had to experience.
Anyway, when you have a hammer made of magic, every problem is a magic nail, so Twilight comes up with an editing spell that restructures her story and polishes the prose. All is well, except that this spell thinks that what this story needs is murder. So Twilight's story, the one she's always had inside of her, the one she's wanted to tell since she was little, is now a murder mystery because the spell said so. A'ight.
As it goes on, the story turns more unhinged, until the protagonist goes mad and kills his brother so he won't turn him in to the pony police. Then we get the final twist where--spoilers--it turns out the spell was actually some sort of mind control or reality warping thing where it actually made someone commit murder and transcribed it into Twilight's story.
Now. I don't think this is a bad twist. It's just badly done. It's too sudden to have the reveal carry much impact. One moment Twilight is happy about how this spell can help her tell that story she always wanted to tell, and then Rarity is worried about all the murder. I would've liked if the editing spell had started benign, if intrusive, but then it slowly starts introducing more concerning elements until it takes over Twi's story and goes completely crazy. Probably wouldn't have taken that many extra words to accomplish that.
I don't know. I want to like this story, but there are too many issues for me to get really invested.