/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

And Hell Followed

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 495309/and-hell-followed

Published: May '21Jun '21

Review in No. 40763091
And Hell Followed is a 112k word Apocalyptic survival story. Unicorns, and most magical creatures become not quite zombies, bent on violently killing anything that isn't one of them.
The story takes its time to find its identity. Early on, it follows the beats of any survival/monster story. Tension amongst survivors. Some close encounters. Supply runs. Enough deaths to make the mutated ponies seem like an actual threat. It's sadly formulaic, despite having an interesting spin.
It's not until a train arrives to Ponyville carrying a bit of plot that things really kick in. We're given explanations. We're given short and long term goals. The group dynamic changes. Plans are formed. A ticking clock element is introduced as the monsters are revealed to have a plan of their own.
This second third of the story is where it picks up and becomes more enjoyable, and once we enter the last act, there's tension, characters clash, the monsters are on the move, and it has a spirit that the initial third didn't have.
That's the biggest sin of this story. It didn't start with the right hoof and meanders a bit too much. Sure, some downtime is necessary at the start to establish the characters, the hierarchy among the survivors, and the setting, but it didn't have to meander like that. There is no goal on that initial stage other than a nebulous "surviving".
The story was being written and posted daily, so I imagine that had to be partially to blame. But even then, I think it's commendable how the story managed to steer itself back into something good halfway through.
However, as far as apocalyptic body horror stories go, this is well above average.