/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

The Lady Killer Killers

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 509932/the-lady-killer-killers

Published: Jan '22

Review in No. 40881454
The Lady Killer Killers is an 8,9k word EqG Dark... Comedy? Really? It's been a decade since Sunset graduated from Canterlot High. Sci-Twi's studies of magic has lead a revolution in technology. But not every outcome is a positive, as there's a man on the prowl, looking to kill anybody who possesses magic.
Alright, I need to establish something right off the bat. The pacing is way, way too fast. I'm amazed it still manages to be enjoyable, but every scene screams for a slower pace, with more introspective moments and the tone of, y'know, a murder mystery.
The story just blazes through the events. We start off with a murder, then Sunset visits a de-magiced Adagio, quickly convinces her to help her find the Lady Killer, they go visit the other sirens, face the murderer, he escapes, Adagio and Sunset have a serious talk, then there's the final confrontation.
It's just too much, too quickly. There's barely any downtime. Also, spoilers, the murderer was a crazy guy Sci-Twi tried healing with magitech, but that just made him crazier. So there was no mystery at all, Sunset was just hiding information.
Also, let's go back to that magitech thing. Despite Sci-Twi revolutionising the world with that, and there being mentions of levitating cars and motorcycles... The world feels the same. There's nothing setting it apart from the regular word other than someone having a fancy gizmo that doesn't impact the plot at all. It's the thinnest sci-fi coat of paint I've ever seen.
But what about the rest of the story? That's what frustrated me, because the fic's pretty alright, otherwise. It's violent and gory, but no more than a regular action film from the 80s or 90s. The heart of the story is the dynamic between Adagio and Sunset. And they work quite well as crime hunting partners.
Overall, there's a good story in here, but it's constrained by being made a poorly paced one-shot. If this had been a multi-chaptered story that allowed itself the room to breathe and develop its mystery more, it probably would've been great.