/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

Crossed Equestria: Outbreak

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 541435/crossed-equestria-outbreak

Published: Aug '23

Review in No. 41035462
This is an AU based on the "Crossed" series of comic books. If you're familiar with Crossed, you may wonder whether anyone could successfully cross (pun intended) its gruesome and horrific setting with the cheerful world of Equestria. Turns out the answer is no. This story is a failure in every way.

The first few paragraphs are some kind of journal entry by Twilight. These aren't so bad. Then it flashes back to Twilight's first encounter with the Crossed, and everything goes to hell. Twilight's favorite hayburger restaurant explodes. A Crossed stallion then rapes and beheads a mare while Twilight inexplicably watches and makes no attempt to help. The stallion chases Twilight home, where she discovers that Spike is one of the Crossed. He intends to rape and murder her, and to save herself, she kills him. Chapter 1, the only one so far, ends with 1 Corinthians 6:19 in giant gray letters.

The writing is atrocious. The grammar is poor, and you can tell that the writer is ESL (he says in the comments that his native language is Spanish). The pacing is nonexistent. Some scenes drag and others go by too fast. The dialog and word choice is terrible. Sometimes it's surprisingly clinical, like "the stallion proceeded to insert his genitals inside the mare," and other times it's exaggerated almost to the point of satire, like Spike's declaration, "I'm going to fuck your ass Twilight and if you scream it will be more fun HAHAHA!"

This story has earned every one of its 47 (now 48) downvotes. Not worth reading even if you like crackfics. 0/10.