FimFiction Link - Short ID: 281406/taking-a-bite-out-of-the-big-apple
Published: Jun '24
'Taking a Bite Out of the Big Apple' is a 16 thousand-word horror shortfic. When Babs goes missing, it's up to Applejack and Apple Bloom to brave Manehatten and find her.
On the technical level I have nothing to say, but positives. The prose is clear, evocative, and the only time it gets repetitive is very much done intentionally. As this is a horror fic, there's plenty of mindbending going on and the story rarely has to spell it out that "hey, things aren't right!", which is always a good thing. I specifically liked the second time AJ and AB get on the train. I'd say it's probably the tensest part of the fic as there's nothing necessarily immediately wrong going on, but it quickly becomes clear that the train has a few too many carts and the ponies there are wrong.
As for the plot, I'm on two minds about it. On one hand, the tension is impeccable all throughout the story. Manehatten in this story is oppressive even without anything bad needing to happen. The stakes are nicely raised throughout the two chapters too, with AJ's hope slowly eroding away and she regardless has to put on a brave face for Bloom. On the other hand, and I feel like different readers' experiences will vary greatly, the story gives no answers and hardly ties up any ends. This is not unheard of when it comes to horror. After all "nothing is scarier than the unknown" and I admit I was completely off about my mark when it came to predicting the ending.
However, as much as being surprised is nice, I feel like 90% of this story was setting up one thing (i.e. an oppressive detective fic about the two Apples trying to recover Babs) and then the tail end throws in a supernatural twist and storms through the rest of the plot like a tornado. It was kinda like the literary equivalent of a jumpscare. Sure, it's horrid, but it also resets the tension. And I'll be honest the colts being flesh eating "demons" who've already kidnapped hundreds and got away with it certainly wasn't on my bingo card and, to me at least(!), it lessened the impact of the reveal compared to if my original prediction [spoilers]a wealthy elite, untouchable by the police, engaging in debauchery / slavery / etc. were right, because I feel like the identity of the culprits makes the whole situation less interesting as a whole, due to there being just enough information to make the basic idea clear, but no depth to sink our teeth into.
Overall the story ends up being a very specific kind of horror, that I think either resonates with you strongly or turns you off. For me it sadly ended up being the latter, despite enjoying literally everything else about the fic, but it could easily be that you'll love the fic for the same reasons I ended up being a little let down.