FimFiction Link - Short ID: 549501/by-the-will-of-the-council
Published: Feb '24 — Jun '24
>"Sorry I never mentioned this. Didn't think it would ever become relevant."
'By the Will of the Council' is a 83 thousand-word adventure fic with the explicit intent of following in the steps of early-fandom longfics. Celestia and Luna are sent to Equestria, tasked with the retrieval of an ancient, holy artifact.
Goodness, it's hard to properly place this fic. There is much I like about it. While the story plays the adventure part fairly safe, I find that a virtue rather than a problem. It's what the author set out to do and he accomplished it. However, bookending this "finding your purpose" adventure story are rushed attempts at building mythology, and these sadly cause the story to choke on the gigantic bite it tried to chew.
In this fic Celestia and Luna are not only born as alicorns (instead of ascending as some fics like to approach them), but are also part of an entire (admittedly small) race of them, who live on a remote island. The alicorns have been tasked by the universe's departed Creator to protect ponykind. One important thing that sets our two heroines aside is that -- while every other alicorn was *made,* with their purpose and mark given -- C&L are the result of love and are born blank-flanks. These two facts give them quite a bit of an inferiority complex and trouble fitting in. So when the tribe's leader, the so-called Magikhan, orders them to find the tribe's sacred, lost artifact, the Teardrops of Creation, the two are finally given a chance to prove themselves.
Except the two protagonists have wildly different opinions on their mission and the intentions of their tribe and leader. Luna internalizes her "lesserness" by not asking questions and striving to earn the Magikhan's respect, while Celestia follows in their parents' hoofsteps by distrusting the leader. This entire setup is told through four short chapters, after which the duo are deposited in Equestria with little guidance or help, beyond being told to "go question the locals and get the artifact".
I'd say this is where one of the biggest issues of this fic sadly already surfaces: I simply struggled to 1) keep in mind all of these random alicorns who would not appear until nearly the very end of the fic 2) care about them in the slightest for the same reason. Beyond the parents of C&L and the Magikhan, their personalities could pretty much be summed up as "I am responsible for the earth/time/water/etc." + "I like/dislike the Magikhan".
(1/4)
It's a shame, because all of them have cool Latin names and the home of the alicorns is a pristine marble fortress carved from a single rock with magitech robots guarding it and gigantic halls of ancient lore and whatnot... It all should be cool as fuck. Only we never really experience any of it in the story for more than brief mentions. The world of this story is hinted to be big, massive even, with multiple levels of deities and an ancient cosmic war which happened in the distant past and banished most of these gods to an entirely different plane of existence. Yet, with how little the story tells us about them and how little they actually affect the plot, most of it could have been cut and not much would change.
At least (for better or worse) once C&L are finally in Equestria, the story can begin for earnest. I'd say this is the best segment of the entire fic. The duo are quick to realize they can't pull the mission off by hating each other have to learn to trust and even love one another. This is also where we're treated to the fic's secondary (though he might as well be primary) antagonist, Discord. He easily takes the cake in terms of characterization. The author goes all in on him being chaotic and it works brilliantly. He fluidly switches between tormenting C&L, simply trying to talk them down, and even occasionally "helping" them, obviously in his own malicious ways. His "pranks" range from being mildly inconvenient to downright deadly and he dishes out quite a few of them, while acting delightfully smug.
This is where I must mention that the fic is a little inconsistent in its level of violence. Usually it's pretty E-rated, with Discord's chaos being more debilitating jokes than actual physical harm (think chocolate rain-tier stuff), but other times Luna is not above popping heads like balloons with plenty of described gore. I don't think it's a huge issue, but I found it notable enough to point out.
Either way, the alicorns run into some historical figures and the "Equestria-arc" proceeds as one would imagine. I don't want to delve into more details, because this is easily the best part of the story and it'd be a disservice to spoil it. There's plenty of enjoyable and funny character moments, Discord sass, a few bombastic fight scenes, and sisterly bonding. All culminating in a character-defining moment for both Sun- and Moonhorse, featuring someone who fully cements this fic as one written with early fandom sentiments in mind.
But, of course, no good thing lasts forever, so eventually we have to return to Mythology-land. Turns out while our dynamic duo was out there having the time of their lives, the alicorns at home had a party of their own. Apparently like half of the alicorns present actually *don't* align with the Magikhan and they had this epic brawl... which we don't actually get to see.
(2/4)
The big bad finally reveals that she's been lying all this time and that she needed C&L to fetch the artifact so that she can pretty much take over existence as a whole. And you know what? I liked this. It was a sudden spark of brilliance in a character arc I otherwise found fairly predictable. I really liked that the Magikhan isn't just wanting power for power's sake. I mean, sure, she still intends to rule and all that, but that's not the whole story. She considers it a humiliation that, despite being almost godlike, she's bound to do what the Creator (who left the world for good) ordered her to do for eternity without ever having a say in how to run things. She also pities ponykind for having been created helpless and needing guardians to do their dirty work, and wishes to use the artifact to recreate ponies in a way that doesn't need guardians and that can rule over the world. Her sudden warped altruism makes me think of the 'Paradise Lost' interpretation of Satan, i.e. an almost perfect being ending up discontent with their fate and wanting to take over and "do things right", which I think is an incredibly intriguing concept. Yet once again just before this whole thing could be explored thoroughly, she pulls a "but the time for talk is over!" and the story yanks the carpet from below our feet: Actually she is totally bonkers and the way she tries to accomplish her goals is going to destroy the world. Bleh.
I think by now the second big issue with the story might be apparent: Scope creep. This story wishes to invoke the spirit of adventures like 'Twilight Sparkle and the Royal Guard' or [insert here whichever long-ish fic you like], but it just doesn't have the length to get there. In aprroximately 80k words it tries to:
>invent an entire pantheon from thin air
>depict said pantheon's hierarchy and history
>invent lore for the alicorns, including their history, dwelling, powers, rules, etc.
>present an overarching storyline about a rogue alicorn's strive for ultimate power
>the interpersonal drama of C&L being born instead of made and how this makes them feel inferior to their own kin, despite it not making them less worthy at all
>have an old-school adventure in Equestria, during which C&L have to reconcile, fight off an ancient evil, find the mcguffin, have a religious experience, and save the world
>and finally yank the protagonists back to their old home and wrap up the power grab subplot
This to me reads like either one 3-400k word story or several 80-100k fics which serve as sequels to each other. Because of this, nothing has time to linger and nothing has weight. Before we could get a better glimpse into the average daily life of the alicorns, we're already shuffled away into Equestria, so the Magikhan's treachery simply doesn't feel very shocking. No shit the big horse with glowing white eyes talking about thinly veiled racial supremacy might not have the best intentions at heart.
(3/4)
But even after getting to Equestria, C&L are never really in any tangible danger. Due to their alicornhood, most attacks simply bounce off their superior magic, and the one time they're in serious danger, they plot armour their way out of it. It was clear by the halfway mark that neither of them would come out of this any worse for wear, because they have absolutely bonkers innate healing abilities.
The alicorns are irrelevant for 90% of the story, even though they are supposed to be the main antagonists. The pantheon is almost completely irrelevant beyond the Creator, who is pretty much a fusion of the biblical God and Lauren Faust. The mcguffin's location was already scouted out by others in advance, and Discord is always conveniently absent if he could throw a serious wrench into C&L's plans. It's just... things happen constantly, but I never felt worried for the characters or felt like they must hurry or else something bad would happen.
Sadly the whole fic reads like the second part of a trilogy, only part 1 and 3 are tacked on as ~10k word summaries to the front and the end. And this pains me because Neckbeard is definitely not a bad writer and I know it very well how serious he was about this story. And this is easily seen with how good the concept itself is: The Sisters who at first think they're day and night having to learn that no, they're sisters and they can overcome overwhelming odds while saving the world is a beautifully simple and FiMmy premise. Especially with the setting being ancient-Equestria, allowing the story to explore ponies of legend and how they became who they are. I just wish the author focused on one concept instead of throwing in a bunch and trying to make the best of it, because in this instance less would have been infinitely more.
(4/4)