FimFiction Link - Short ID: 375944/one-white-unicorn
Published: Jun '17
(1/3)
"One white unicorn" is a 64 thousand words long horror story by Unwhole hole. Rarity and Sweetie Belle travel to the ancestral home of the De'Lis far away to the east of Equestria to help Fleur prepare a dress for her wedding. However, not everything is as it seems - the servants are behaving strangely, villagers from nearby settlements are terrified of the estate and something lurks in the dark, empty hallways at night...
This is a great horror story. The characters are great and feel alive, i especially liked the servants - all of them have a distinct character and all play an important part in the story. I LOVE Muguet - she is so cute! The prose is good - there are typos here and there but they don't interrupt the narrative flow, and you can easily paint that old menacing caste in your mind. The author does a good job progressing the narrative and slowly mounting tension - at first i wanted to only read the first half of the story and finish it the next day, but each chapter encouraged me to read the next one and i ended up finishing the entire thing yesterday. Sweetie Belle is definitely the highlight of the fic, and i enjoyed observing her slowly unraveling the secret of what's going on in this place. An argument can be made that she acts a little too mature for her age (she is 12 in the story) but it's not too unrealistic. The plot is good and later chapters felt like punch after punch in the gut, this story is as much drama as it is horror. And the ending... I'll talk more about it in the spoilered part but the revelation in the final chapter and the final scene felt like another punch, a great finishing cord for a horror story. Also, Unwhole hole is a huge fan of Chekov's guns and i liked how many small things mentioned throughout the story end up playing a role in the unfolding events.
However, this story is not without its flaws. I liked the ending but i was unsatisfied with the fact that a certain very important plotline remained unfinished and in some scenes Rarity felt OOC. It may be due to her age (the story takes place some years in the future) and malignant influence of... all the things transpiring in the mansion, but still, the point stands.
Now more about the story itself, spoilers ahead.
(2/3)
MUGUET, NO! Fuck, i really liked her character and their developing friendship with Sweetie Belle. Gonna give it to the author, killing long-established characters just like that is a bold move and it raises stakes a lot, i didn't lie when i said that it felt like a gut punch, because it did. An argument can be made that all the servants went down pretty fast - i mean, Muguet and Silver die immediately behind the scenes and Feathery dies in the first confrontation with Fleur, but in the contest of what was happening this is pretty realistic.
The scene between Fleur and Sweetie Belle in the guest room also felt like a slap on the face. The author certainly likes sudden unsetteling revelations.
Now, about Rarity and her OOC elements. I understand that she really hates getting old, but smashing a glass in Silver's face just like that? Could've been the influence of the castle or poisoned food, but still, i felt it was a little bit too much. Also, her following in Fleur's steps at the end of the story, and murdering ponies (including Sweetie Belle) just like that was a bold choice. A question may be raised whether this is also OOC or not, but this one may be more realistic than the glass scene, because all of that happened after her mind was affected by Fleur, also i think that her tasting her own blood in the bone room may have changed her on a fundamental level, Fleur mentioned something about how there's no way back once you begin using your blood that way. Yeah, she may have been talking about full blood baths exclusively or the fact that you eventually have to give your life to Celestia, but still, i think Rarity's mind was irreversibly altered by her experience in the castle so i don't think this scene is OOC, but an argument can be made that it is.
And talking about Celestia - wow, that is a very dark Equestria. The idea is very interesting, and among all the evil Celestias i've read about, "unicorn-blood drinking to maintain her eternal youth" Celestia is certainly a first. But if only white unicorns can do it this raises a question about Luna - how is she an immortal? Does she also partake in dark rituals despite not having white coat?
Another thing - the whole "tall white unicorn" plot arc. What was that about? I was very intrigued and eagerly waited to see who it was, but the question remained unanswered. Maybe the answer is in there, between the lines and i just didn't get it, but still, it felt very underwhelming. But i'll say that i really liked how the unicorn told Sweetie Belle that she will die if she doesn't leave Rarity in fire, and this is exactly what happened, but not because she couldn't get out of the burning castle with Rarity on her back but because Rarity murders her later. This was a good touch.
Also, i wonder what all those symbols at the end of chapters were about. No way they are accidental.
(3/3)
All in all, despite its shortcomings i enjoyed this story greatly. It may start a little bit slow but near the middle part it becomes a veritable page-turner, and i'd love to see more stories like this one. I give this fanfic a solid 7/10 and recommend it to anyone interested in pony horrors/thrillers. Also, it is criminally underrated - 19 likes and 416 views, seriously? Read it, guys.