/mlp/ Fanfic Reviews

SCP-10314: The Rainbow Factory

FimFiction Link - Short ID: 480478/scp-10314-the-rainbow-factory

Published: Oct '20

Review in No. 37747139
'SCP-10314: The Rainbow Factory' is a three thousand-word oneshot formatted in the style of an SCP article. It is by far one of the most amateurish stories I've read on this site. I'm not really bothered by one or two typos, but this fic is ridden with egregious spelling issues that even basic spell-checkers could catch. Even if I ignore this, the actual narrative itself is so awkward that I'm completely baffled about what lent this story nearly a hundred positive votes.
In this fic's universe the Rainbow Factory is a contained, Keter SCP, which was discovered by Rainbow Dash, who is an agent of the Foundation. Pegasi are barred from entering even the perimeter of the facility for longer periods of time, due to the site itself brainwashing them to become either employees or the overseer of it. Oddly enough the CWC is described as an almost independent entity, whose employees occasionally storm the area trying to take the factory back from the Foundation. Aiding them are metal suits, which move on their own and come to existence from thin air inside the facility. There are also pegasi prisoners who escape from the facility and the field operatives try their best to aid them.
The first half of the fic is focused on detailing the factory, how it should be guarded, the effects of Spectra and what happens when an overseer is chosen. The other is an interview between a Dr. Green and Rainbow Dash, who describes her mission inside the facility. She recounts how the factory has shifted while she was inside and how she eventually stumbled upon a version of herself, that had a maniacal grin on her face and blood on her uniform which moved on its own.
While this story has all the hallway features of an SCP article, it fails to accomplish what made the format so popular: There is nothing even remotely scary or eerie in it. It just feels like a kind of wish-fulfillment fic, that lazily tries to check all necessary marks. Some GOI's are randomly brought up, the Foundation has its usual specific protocols that are mentioned only by name, Good-Dash was somehow able to rescue Scootaloo from the factory, and the story keeps mentioning an XK-level event in which Spectra production begins again, which doesn't exactly sound like the end of the world as we know it. The Pegasus Device doesn't even seem to kill the pony it's used on, lowering the stakes even more.
It's such a shame, because the idea itself could work. Describing the factory in a clinical, detached tone; elaborating on how it is kept a secret despite being a massive and prominent building; and portraying its insides with gruesome exploration logs could be a fairly interesting and perhaps even creepy fic, but sadly this story accomplishes none of them.
Overall: 2/10 I'm not sure what to say. The fic is just painful to read and meanders to such an extent that ruins all excitement one could have from a story like this.